Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy read more

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'

Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.