Woody Allen

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.