Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.