Woody Allen

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it read more

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss read more

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I
looked into the soul of the boy read more

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I
looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.