Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what read more

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. read more

The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos, crazy for love.