He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.

He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing read more

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing else to recommend her but a pair of thighs and choice hunkers, and so smart to void their seed that they marry her at once. They imagine they can live in marvelous contentment with handsome feet and ambrosial buttocks. Most men are accredited fools shortly after they leave the womb.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth.

Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.