I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

And behind every man who's a failure there's a woman, too!

And behind every man who's a failure there's a woman, too!

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it read more

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this read more

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly

My wife organized the Jewish Women's Caucus boycott of Moses..
wait.. ! I am receiving a correction !
My wife read more

My wife organized the Jewish Women's Caucus boycott of Moses..
wait.. ! I am receiving a correction !
My wife was the VERY LAST woman to join the Jewish Women's
Caucus boycott of Moses!