I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his read more

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his funny bone.

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that read more

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be read more

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.

I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by read more

I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by the teacher, is directly contrary to the implications of therapy for significant learning.