Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that read more

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with read more

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him read more

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.

I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by read more

I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by the teacher, is directly contrary to the implications of therapy for significant learning.

Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.

Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.