Parents: persons who spend half their time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time read more

Parents: persons who spend half their time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time wondering when a child will turn in.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

Call no man your father upon the earth, for one is your Father, which is in heaven.

Call no man your father upon the earth, for one is your Father, which is in heaven.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

Being a gentleman is the number one priority, the chief question integral to our national life.

Being a gentleman is the number one priority, the chief question integral to our national life.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.