Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you, and at read more

Talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you, and at the end of your first season you will have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the read more

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it read more

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?