Talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you, and at read more

Talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you, and at the end of your first season you will have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to read more

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.

Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.

Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

The surest sign of age is loneliness.

The surest sign of age is loneliness.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.