Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice read more

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best read more

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend's my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it read more

Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your read more

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family.

A woman who pretends to laugh at love is like a child who sings at night when he is afraid

A woman who pretends to laugh at love is like a child who sings at night when he is afraid