Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing read more

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing else to recommend her but a pair of thighs and choice hunkers, and so smart to void their seed that they marry her at once. They imagine they can live in marvelous contentment with handsome feet and ambrosial buttocks. Most men are accredited fools shortly after they leave the womb.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with read more

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.