I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a read more

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a final revenge on Islam. I was so scared I had to crouch in the bottom of the boat when I saw it.

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented read more

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. -Clare Booth Luce.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head. -Lady Marguerite Blessington.

A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head. -Lady Marguerite Blessington.

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.