Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the read more

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice -- that is, until we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say, "I lost it.".

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would read more

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me read more

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -Rebecca West.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if read more

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him read more

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.