Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best read more

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend's my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including: * Both of your socks should always be read more

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including: * Both of your socks should always be the same color * Or they should at least both be fairly dark.

Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relations with men, in their relations with women, all men are read more

Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relations with men, in their relations with women, all men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, their codes.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.