If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British read more

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence.
It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything read more

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong.

When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.

When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.