Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
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If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
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Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
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I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
