Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
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The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.
The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' read more
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you read more
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
