Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
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WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh.
And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous.
By'r Lady, read more
Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh.
And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous.
By'r Lady, he is a good musician.
The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.
The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a read more
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
