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I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably read more
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but read more
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.
Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
