Humour has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.

Humour has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a read more

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' read more

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.