Woody Allen

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy read more

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a cross-roads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The read more

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a cross-roads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, read more

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.