Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy read more

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.

The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by read more

The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness.

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has read more

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages

We call a child's mind "small" simply by habit; perhaps it is larger than ours is, for it can take read more

We call a child's mind "small" simply by habit; perhaps it is larger than ours is, for it can take in almost anything without effort

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, read more

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.

Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.