Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve read more

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor