Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and read more

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.