Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

The family is the nucleus of civilization.

The family is the nucleus of civilization.

I married beneath me. All women do.

I married beneath me. All women do.

When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if read more

When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this read more

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

The society of women is the element of good manners.

The society of women is the element of good manners.

The surest sign of age is loneliness.

The surest sign of age is loneliness.

If men knew all that women think, they'd be twenty times more daring.

If men knew all that women think, they'd be twenty times more daring.