Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.