The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they read more

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they die earlier.

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to read more

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy read more

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.