Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the read more

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!"

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the read more

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide read more

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money