Johnny Carson

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the read more

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!"

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the read more

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.