Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

Only a few human beings should grow to the square mile; they are commonly planted too close.

Only a few human beings should grow to the square mile; they are commonly planted too close.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the mother.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like read more

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.