There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and read more

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.".

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A woman isn't complete without a man. But where do you find a man - a real man - these read more

A woman isn't complete without a man. But where do you find a man - a real man - these days?

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they read more

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they die earlier.