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Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I read more
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
Wit is cultured insolence.
Wit is cultured insolence.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law.
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight read more
Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight Show writers
http://www.mad-cow.org.
