When the liquor's out, why clink the cannikin?

When the liquor's out, why clink the cannikin?

Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle?
He was all for love and a little for the bottle.

Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle?
He was all for love and a little for the bottle.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

When treading London's well-known ground
If e'er I feel my spirits tire,
I haul my sail, look read more

When treading London's well-known ground
If e'er I feel my spirits tire,
I haul my sail, look up around,
In search of Whitbread's best entire.
- Unattributed Author,

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants