Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
You May Also Like / View all maxioms
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It read more
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the read more
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long read more
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could read more
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all read more
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob.".
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for read more
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press read more
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
