Maxioms Pet

X
  •   14  /  20  

    Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Share to:

You May Also Like   /   View all maxioms

  ( comments )
  13  /  20  

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I read more

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  18  /  30  

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  16  /  18  

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could read more

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  15  /  16  

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you read more

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man.".

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  12  /  23  

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening read more

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  9  /  19  

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it read more

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

  ( comments )
  13  /  22  

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real read more

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  11  /  18  

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say read more

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
  ( comments )
  14  /  20  

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the read more

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
Share to:
Maxioms Web Pet