George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it read more

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if read more

... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well..

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things