George Carlin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt read more

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams read more

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a read more

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac