George Carlin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt read more

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is read more

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things