George Carlin

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set read more

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt read more

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is read more

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test read more

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.