George Carlin

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it read more

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set read more

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."