George Carlin

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it read more

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams read more

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.