Dave Barry

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although read more

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the read more

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, read more

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look read more

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.