Dave Barry

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save read more

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely read more

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings.

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell read more

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.