Dave Barry

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only read more

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save read more

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they read more

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the read more

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.