Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to read more

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to read more

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can read more

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet