My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, read more

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, read more

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different read more

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one read more

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

What do you mean, funny? Funny-peculiar or funny ha-ha?

What do you mean, funny? Funny-peculiar or funny ha-ha?