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A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.
My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if read more
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
