If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to read more

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

Is it normal to wake up in the morning in a sweat because you can't wait to beat another human's read more

Is it normal to wake up in the morning in a sweat because you can't wait to beat another human's guts out?

Back then, my idol was Bugs Bunny, because I saw a cartoon of him playing ball - you know, the read more

Back then, my idol was Bugs Bunny, because I saw a cartoon of him playing ball - you know, the one where he plays every position himself with nobody else on the field but him? Now that I think of it, Bugs is still my idol. You have to love a ballplayer like that.

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that.

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that.

He wants Texas back.
(when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming read more

He wants Texas back.
(when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations)

There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside

There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
(telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's read more

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
(telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books)

The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start read more

The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start to the top.

You mean in the state?
(when asked if he felt his team should be ranked in the Top Twenty read more

You mean in the state?
(when asked if he felt his team should be ranked in the Top Twenty this season)