Since the Bible and the church are obviously mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust read more

Since the Bible and the church are obviously mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust them to tell us where we are going?

The first time I ever saw Arnold Palmer, I said, "There's a star." The first time I saw Jack Nicklaus, read more

The first time I ever saw Arnold Palmer, I said, "There's a star." The first time I saw Jack Nicklaus, I said, "Superstar." I feel the same way about Tiger Woods.

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am read more

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them.

They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids.

They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, read more

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

Are you any relation to your brother Marv?
(spoken to announcer Steve Albert)

Are you any relation to your brother Marv?
(spoken to announcer Steve Albert)

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.
(When asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf)

I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.
(When asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf)