Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly

When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the read more

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your read more

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame read more

Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame for anything.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice read more

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.