Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

How we dwelt in two worlds the daughters and the mothers in the kingdom of the sons.

How we dwelt in two worlds the daughters and the mothers in the kingdom of the sons.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get read more

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Patience makes a woman beautiful in middle age.

Patience makes a woman beautiful in middle age.