Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this read more

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.

There is always a chance that he who sets himself up as his brother's keeper will end up by being read more

There is always a chance that he who sets himself up as his brother's keeper will end up by being his jail-keeper.

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be read more

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.