I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.

That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter read more

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.