When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or read more

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was read more

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I read more

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of read more

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the read more

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you read more

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man.".

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.