At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
You May Also Like / View all maxioms
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of read more
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried read more
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you...
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe read more
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or read more
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to read more
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was read more
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
