You May Also Like / View all maxioms
 a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).  
 a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003). 
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the read more
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
 I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.  
 I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus. 
We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but read more
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another read more
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." read more
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.".
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'