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    To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

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  17  /  21  

Wit is cultured insolence.

Wit is cultured insolence.

by Aristotle Found in: Humor Quotes, Wit Quotes,
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  15  /  23  

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

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  17  /  12  

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. - Points of View.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. - Points of View.

by Agnes Repplier Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  14  /  16  

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see read more

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  21  /  11  

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live read more

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

by Mark Twain Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  12  /  28  

If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods then they will surely become worms.

If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods then they will surely become worms.

by Henry Miller Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  12  /  18  

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe read more

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  19  /  18  

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

by Dave Barry Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  20  /  28  

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the read more

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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